![]() You fall apart, tell everyone, file for divorce and kick them out of the house. When someone cheats in a relationship you get rid of them. “Sue me, if I need a minute.” she said to her reflection that morning knowing she was arguing with herself, Chelsea and the world. Twenty-two years of marriage and no husband, no business, no future to show for it. ![]() When Chelsea puts her hand up and says, “That’s a pretty good deal for Derek,” Heather will say, “This is for me, not Derek.” She’d practiced it in the mirror that morning, squinting at herself, searching for hidden insincerity. There was no falseness in her features, just the faint expression of a woman who’d entered an elevator, pressed the twenty-second floor and when the doors opened, the building was gone. It’s a long-term plan to ease us all into a different future.” I need this to shore up a solid future for me to lean into when the tsunami of my clichéd, but empty-nest-anxiety, comes at me like a flock of Hitchcock’s birds. Her friend would be thrilled when Heather said, “The money will eventually move Derek out of the house, and we can divorce like normal people who function like siblings – partially annoyed, mostly functional, but for the most part pretty good friends.” Today when Chelsea asks, as she inevitably will, “How does this benefit you?” Heather will say, “Hear me out. Money equaled just enough freedom to not make everyone miserable. It would fund Heather and Derek’s plans to scale their bespoke furniture design business while ending their marriage. Heather’s plan to sell the apartment she’d inherited from her aunt Hazel would allow her son Jacob to go to his dream university and graduate without crippling debt. If heads of state had a Chelsea in their lives, porn would be wiped off the internet and people would eat more vegetables. Chelsea was a master at the second rule of argument: knowing when to press and when to walk away. She functioned in the same way for Chelsea, but Chelsea required less advice with her solid marriage, two boys, successful freelance career. Heather, on the other hand, had needed help since Derek’s affair five years ago.Ĭhelsea listened, provided real talk, and for the most part agreed with Heather’s journey from heartbreak to acceptance. ![]() If Heather persuaded Chelsea that this future she had planned was the right one, she could proceed with confidence. She had run and re-run the numbers convincing herself. With a yellow #2 pencil Heather checked her calculations. A yellow legal pad sat on the table next to a drained cappuccino cup, the brown foam clinging to the insides. Heather arrived early for their lunch date, sipping coffee and going over her talking points and The Ten Golden Rules of Arguments, the first one being Be Prepared. She could sniff out a rationalization before Heather could order a cold brew, throw it back, and formulate a rebuttal. Heather’s best friend Chelsea was a bloodhound for plot holes, fallacies, and faulty arguments.
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